marijane meaker

WE WALK ALONE

WHO IS THE LESBIAN?

"the matter is that lesbianism cannot be accurately defined, nor can the lesbian's personality traits be lumped into any category that will include all of her characteristics, and yet exclude those of the remainder of the female population.
Who is the lesbian?
She is many women.
Look at her, and she cannot be distingt more normal sisters. Test her mental development, and she ranges from feeble-minded to superior. Examine her back-ground, and she comes from the smoky slums of Pittsburgh; the exclusive homes of Oak Park, Illinois; the sprawling campuses of Cornell, Radcliffe, Michigan, Stephens; the boxed-in Lower East Side of New York City; the sun-baked open plains of Texas and Wyoming. Expose her to psychotherapy, and she is "undersexed" and "oversexed," man-hungry and a man-hater; an overt participant with a "girl friend," a repressed homosexual with a husband and a family; a secretary with a crush on her female boss, a divorcee with nymphomaniac ten-dencies, a society matron, a widower, a teen-aged high-school girl, a whore.
There is no stereotype in the over-all picture of the les-bian. This is the first discovery I ever made about the group of which I am a member." (3)

WITH A WOMAN...

"With a woman," one friend told me, "I can relax and enjoy closeness, nearness—the physical luxury of simply lingering in the arms of someone who enjoys caressing my body, as much as I do hers. Women don't have to prove anything by their love when they're together. A man, when he is with a woman, must prove his virility. And another thing—I don't feel deserted by a woman when our love-making is finished. I feel all the more a part of her. With men, it's different. You have neither the leisure beforehand nor the security after. Men leave you lonely even when they stay beside you." (89)

FOR THAT YOU NEED A WOMAN.

"Sometimes," she said, "I want a man to take me, to conquer me, to be the master. Other times I just want to relax and be cuddled and pampered. He doesn't understand that. Sex for him is an act to be started and finished, with a beginning and an end. To me, now and then, it is just a relaxation without any beginning or end-just a pleasant interlude of pleasant sensations. For that you need a woman." (99)

THE BISEXUAL

"The bisexual, knowing that his heterosexuality is socially approved while his homosexuality is socially condemned, is in many cases the subject of greater conflict. If he is predominantly homosexual by inclination, he will nevertheless make a strong attempt to maintain his heterosexuality for social rea-sons. If he is predominately heterosexual by inclination, he will experience all the more conflict because of his occasional lapses into homosexuality." (103)

UNCONSCIOUS HOMOSEXUALITY

"Unconscious homosexuality is sometimes found in the individual's choice of a heterosexual love. Women who are attracted to very feminine men are often sublimating their lesbian desires, just as is the passive man who chooses an aggres-sive, dominant woman." (109)

PARENTAL INSULTS

"The parental insult "Why don't you grow up!" might be reversed by the youngster to "Why don't you grow down?" Too many times parents can't grow down to their children, they can't be their children long enough to try to wonder how they would feel were they to receive the same treatment they are administering to them." (147)

WHAT SHOULD SOCIETY DO?

"Surely society ought to progress in its attitudes, to whatever extent possible, as quickly as the scientific world makes new facts available. Science has never been in too great a hurry. By comparison, however, the public is the turtle to the scientific hare. Society should be aware by now that the lesbian is not a depraved female, but the victim of a psychological orientation that is different from the accepted social pattern. She may be an intelligent and cultured woman, or she may be a stupid fool, just as any normal woman may be. She may be a philanthropist or a thief, just as any normal women many be. Just because she is a lesbian, she is not invested with any specific character traits, other than her inversion. Society ought to recognize that lesbianism cannot be wiped out like the bubonic plague. Society ought not to condemn or pity the homosexu-al, but simply to understand her." (154)

THE "GAY" GIRL

"A modern bride discards her souvenirs when she marries, or leaves them back in some old trunk at Mother's. The "gay" girl, about to enter a relationship simulating a marriage, with another girl, is usually reluctant to discard her souvenirs, and wouldn't dare leave them with Mother. She may put them away, but she most always brings them with her." (6)

"CAME OUT"

"When a girl "came out" she had her first homosexual love experience. Sometimes two fairly innocent girls found each other and made love to each other, and that way came out together. But more often an experienced Lesbian brought another girl out." (14)

A MAN WOULDN'T SAY THAT

"When she brought me out she kept saying 'Stop me any time if you don't want me to touch you any more? A man wouldn't say that!" (16)

DYKES ARE...

"Dykes are sweeter and more gentle than a man," some tell you.

Others say: "A dyke looks just like a man, but is a hundred times better as a lover. A dyke knows how to love a woman, because she wants very little from sex for herself. She just wants to please the woman. A man is a brute. He just wants a woman for his own pleasure." (30)

MOTHER COMES TODAY

WHAT MAKES HER SUFFER?

"But what of the Lesbian who is suffering? What makes her suffer?
It is usually not so much the need to have society accept her as one with the heterosexual. It is usually the need for the Lesbian to accept herself." (90)

HANDS-AROUND

"Hands-Around, the most often played game among Manhattan Lesbians, keeps the jewelers busy engraving new sentiments on watches, bracelets, coins and rings; keeps landlords busy changing the nameplates in the vestibules of apartment buildings; keeps the post office busy with change-of-address cards; the phone company busy with new listings..." (128)